The Benefits of Bitterness

I am like the rest of the planet and have been known to have cranky days.

While in the midst of a cranky day I whine and mope and shuffle about grumbling under my breath.  On my worst days, I’m outright bitter. Bitterness has few “buddies” as we all know.  When I’m experiencing a “bitter day”, I also often feel shunned and shuttered and am sometimes offered other guidance words that begin with “sh”. “Shut-Up” comes to mind as a common morsel of advice received.

The shuttering responses to my bitterness seldom lifts me out of it.  Of course, as nature would have it, my bitterness expressed out into the universe only brings it back upon myself and amplifies the negative feelings I already have. I think most people feel that any outward expression of bitterness brings others down to the level of our misery.  This seems only to lengthen the downward spiral of emotion for everyone near the center of bitterness.

What I’m really trying to do when I’m expressing bitterness, though, is sooth myself. I try to do this by validating my “struggle” and releasing the fear, uncertainty and doubt or “FUDS” that are overrunning my emotions. Self-regulation and self-soothing practices are so important to high functioning and productivity and leadership. Yet I can’t always “self-talk” myself to a more positive emotional state.  So I know bitterness has some benefit. It can’t be all bad. In an effort to support my theory about bitterness not being all that bad, I recently I looked for like minds and conducted a search on Google. I entered “The Benefits of Bitterness” to see what would come up. I wanted to know if anyone else publicly stated and endorsed some of the benefits of bitterness – as I do.

You guessed it – not a single hit. What I got back from my Google search was a bunch of information about how eating a bitter root or bitter foods – can stave-off diabetes and enhance your body’s capacity to process sugar and maintain a state of homeostasis. “Great”, I grumbled. “Even my search for the benefits of bitterness turned down” – and made me feel worse.

In my Leadership Consulting Practice and Work – I help people, teams and companies systematize and scale important organizational and operational changes. These changes are usually vital to the organization’s  health and well being, otherwise we wouldn’t be striving to help them implement and broadly adopt enterprise-scale changes.  Without regular change –people and companies fail. If you have studied or have lived through major changes, then you know that the first emotion often accompanying a big change, good or bad, is a deep sense of loss. With a deep sense of loss, come lots of negative emotions – the combination of which can lead to extended periods of – you guessed it – bitterness.

In this context, I KNOW bitterness is good! - and when I see it, hear it and feel it around me while I work (which I often do btw) -  I recognize it to be a strong step in the right direction!  There are clear benefits to bitterness and I can name them!

 Now, I don’t mean to be the Eeyore of the group (“I’m so happy to be alive”) and make light of – or put a cute face - on some very important and potentially destructive, negative emotions, but let me help you to see five very important Benefits to Bitterness in the context of professional and organizational change facilitation and management:

1.       There is Still an Active Voice in the Organization.  I once worked with a customer who kept a large “No Whining” Sign on his door – while he was leading and supporting his team through a very critical transition.

His team of Senior IT Professionals was in danger of becoming “completely disengaged” from its core internal customer. They were in jeopardy of losing face, organizational support and their jobs! Multi-dimensional changes in strategy, tactics, operations, communications and organization were required. These changes were required all-at-once and for everyone in the 25 person leadership team. To say negativity and bitterness were “daily-fare” is an understatement.

Emotions ran high – and they were not often positive. The team whined, and complained, and cried and worried and stressed in all manner of vocal, physical and emotional ways. It was a tough time for all of us – and I as their primary coach and guide through the change – spent many days in tears myself – trying to “slough-off” the emotions I spent all day absorbing and synthesizing, and leading the team through. 

I can tell you this – if people are “bitter” through organizational changes – it’s a sign they are still engaging their “Active Voice”. They are voicing discontent, acting-out worries and fears, and otherwise throwing professional tantrums. Trust me when I tell you – this is GOOD! Unhealthy people, teams and organizations do not tolerate dissention. Even though my leading executive discouraged “whining” – he was also acknowledging the fact that he was hearing and seeing and feeling many variations of the phenomenon. They teach you in physical triage that the “whiners” are the healthy ones – the quiet ones are the ones you have to worry about.

This is true of customers and employees as well. If they are actively voicing their discontent and frustration that means that they trust and respect you enough to say it and show it. Think of it as professional “show and tell” courtesy.  If your team is not showing their bitterness, they are not giving you the opportunity to understand them or to help them – and to actively participate in the process of trying to make things better.

 2.       There’s Evidence of a Moral Code.  Think of “Bitterness” in this example as evidence that there is a recognizable gap between what “is” and what “should be”. People voicing bitterness in the workplace; often strongly hold on to the notion of how things should be.

This means that people in your organization care enough to want to get you, the team, and the organization to “higher ground” or reach a greater good. This means that some people, and maybe only one person, can hold onto to the notion that “I can do better” or “we can do better”.

3.       There’s at Least One Person with Courage and Persistence.  Making an important change can sometimes be maddening. Systematizing and scaling global enterprise changes can be career-making or breaking. In rushes stress and the potential for bitterness.  I often work in, and lead people through a sea of stress .  Constant complaining is often the background music. Yet, I liken this kind of constant complaining to the  groaning of weight-lifters working-out and working to build muscle. Building organizational muscle and operational strength comes with lots of bitterness, lots of groaning, lots of frustration. When the groaning stops, people have either helped realize a better future for the organization or they’ve completely given-up and disengaged. While they are still groaning or complaining or whining, they are still working through it. 

The Benefit of Bitterness here is that the complainers are often the witnesses and the marshals of the “best” in people and in the organization. They’re like the nagging knocking or rumble in the engine that doesn’t go away until the problem is fixed and the engine is running smoothly again. They have the courage and persistence to stand-out and speak-up and keep at it!.  I tend to teach people to honor and accept bitterness as a side-effect (benefit) caused by working to do better.

4.       There’s a Focus on What Really Matters. If you begin to equate a “bitter voice” with an “inner voice” you might find that a certain “consciousness’” arises out of the angst and real empathy begins to exist in your operating environment. If you think of your employees or boss’ or peers’ bitterness as “the squeaky wheel” that needs grease, your capacity to listen and learn goes up. One of my long standing customers produces boxboard paper. The “machine” on which the paper is made is the equivalent of four city blocks long and is four stories high. The paper making facility is 14 acres under roof – and the production machine that creates their end product has at least 10,000 moving parts.  The production crew listens to every ball-bearing squeaking, every press roll groan and hum as it turns and every cylinder rotate with the paper fibers that ultimately make the end product. The list of parts that need service is never ending – and there is a daily “resetting” or prioritization of the noises and the parts that need attention. The point is that not every noise is attended to every day. The production crew will tell you though – that if you ignore a small noise that starts out small and continue to “leave it alone” – it will soon make its way to the top of the priority list.  And so it is with bitterness.

People complain for important reasons. Complaints may start out as once-in-a-while grumbles, but eventually rise to disenchantment, escalate to anger, and result in complete disengagement and distrust, if left unchecked. I view bitterness as the sound of operations. If the bitterness “voice” becomes too loud or too frequent, it’s time to stop, listen and check priorities – and pay attention to the “noise”.

5.       There’s Discontent with the Status Quo.

I view bitterness as a challenge to make things better. I believe bitterness expressed by a person or group is an attack on the status quo. If a situation presents a challenge for people, so much so that they are bitter about it, then the opportunity to change is equally strong. The challenge is to find a way to turn the bitterness into “betterness”.